She Deserves My Very Best

Implementation

2010-12-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

To: Anonymous, who writes…

…”I've been struggling to introduce such a dynamic in my marriage for a few years now without success but I am ever hopeful.”

I understand your desire to implement the “wife led dynamic” in your marriage. As I have come to see it we have it in our power to “implement” it all on our own (at least theoretically). If you take away anything from my blog you will see my efforts fail more often than they succeed.) The greatest challenge is remaining motivated when she is unwilling to embrace the dynamic.

If you or I were among the lucky few married to women who took to it like a duck to water we wouldn’t have to work at it at all. We would live in “sub space” 24-7 surrendering our will to our benevolent dictator wives. While that may fuel our fantasies it’s not a marriage, and your wife didn’t sign up for that when she married you. The rest of us have to change our expectations and motivations. The title of my blog is my attempt to reaffirm my own motivation. If my motivation is to satisfy my need for my “kink” I will forever be frustrated. If on the other hand I remember just how much I love and adore the woman I’ve chosen to share my life with, its easy and its own reward to treat her like I did when we were courting. On rare occasions I see flashes of recognition in my wife but that is just the icing on the desert cake. Marriage is the whole meal including doing the dishes afterward.

Find your satisfaction in her growing affection for you as you treat her like the love of your life.

Just a little gratuitous sex…

2010-09-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am blessed with a wife/mistress who is willing to indulge my fantasies and jump in with both feet from time to time.

I was out of town for a few days recently and got a slightly cryptic text that led me to believe I might be in for a treat when I returned. My mind began to fill with all the delicious fantasies that might await. It’s absolutely true that the largest sex organ is between the ears. That is unless your other organ weighs about 13 lbs!

For me the best sexual experiences are always preceded by the greatest anticipation. (Conversely too much anticipation combined with unrealistic expectations is a recipe for disappointment or even resentment. But that’s a topic for another day.)

I was met in the driveway and pronounced LATE! I was ordered to shower and I made myself as presentable as might be for a man of meager pulchritude.

I was directed to produce the key to our “little toy chest” and ordered spread eagle, face up, on the bed. As she deliberately secured each appendage to the four corners of our bed with rope and leather cuffs she told me just how lucky I was. She had been with a group of vanilla women talking sex and marriage and secretly realized just how much more adventurous she was by comparison. I was duly grateful and became even more so as our afternoon proceeded. While I wish I could tell you that we had hours without the kids to explore the boundaries of my predicament, it was not the case, but she made the most of the time we had.

She striped off her tight jeans and t-shirt to reveal an incredibly sexy black lace thong and bra (the kind that has only half a cup that leaves the breast exposed). That is a picture that will stay with me for a long time. If only I were still permitted to pleasure myself it would fan my masturbatory flames.

After her strip tease she directed a bit (or should I say bite) of attention to my nipples. I wish I had larger nipples just so she had more to play with. Seriously erogenous zone for me, once I’m warmed up.

Once she saw she had my full attention she proceeded to remove the thong and standing astride me began to pleasure herself. Now I knew the purpose for the ropes as the bed began to creak under the strain. I desperately wanted to touch and taste her but was held just out of reach. She did eventually guide herself down onto my eager member and ride me to conclusion.

While that was the payoff moment, the climax for me was all about the anticipation and yearning she created starting hours before with a simple text and continuing right on through to conclusion. In that moment before I was permitted to cum she could have removed herself and left me unfulfilled and I would have been just as satisfied and exhilarated.
Oh that every sexual encounter could be like that but then again there is anticipation too in not knowing if next time will be another moment to remember.

Just below the Surface.

2010-08-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm too quick to give up. I should know by now I don't have to dig very deep to find the Willing, Lovely, Beautiful, Dominant, Wife/Mistress I crave just waiting to be inspired. ...and things have again taken a turn for the better.
This brief email exchange will explain…

From: Rex
To: Mistress Sharon,

I just wanted to express my appreciation for granting me the opportunity to pleasure you the other night. I was really turned on by the way you provided feedback by grasping such a sensitive bit of my anatomy while I pleasured you. I was able to share the rhythm of your passion through your grip.
I hope you will allow me to pleasure you again soon.

I have been a miserable failure in serving you as I should. I am sorry.
With the kids back in school I will endeavor to get back into a more attentive routine.
I have re-read and will work to meet the terms of our k.i.s.s. contract at a minimum.
I will not request nor expect any sexual release until you are convinced I have met your expectations.

I know you have doubts that you can be a strong dominant leader in our relationship, but you have shown flashes of brilliance recently.

One example is my utter incompetence in doing the dishes properly. You have been very clear in showing me how to perform this simple duty to your expectations.

Honestly when you brought some bowls to the living room where I was sprawled out watching TV and pointed out my failure to pre-scrub them I was properly chastised.
I was embarrassed because I knew it was my poor attention to detail and doubly embarrassed because your mother was there to witness it.
I truly was impressed that you did not simply "blow it off" because she was there and even a bit excited to see you take a firm stand in front of her.
Part of me really wanted to jump up and take over in the kitchen to show my obeisance but my ego wouldn't let me in the presence of your mother.
It had the proper effect on me in spite of my lackluster response.

This simple example would make the subs lurking on the forums jealous of me and the lovely dominant woman I serve.

I just wanted to encourage you and to express how proud I am of your growth as a leader in our relationship and to apologize again for not sufficiently growing into the submissive husband I ought to be. I've been a very poor servant lately and while it has forced you to express your displeasure with my performance I assure you that was not my intention (even if a pleasant side effect). It has only been my slovenly selfishness. I want to turn over a new leaf in your service and I hope you will continue to expect my best performance and behavior.

I love you and wish to serve you, Rex

Oh, Rex... you said such nice things in your recent posts and emails and I don't even know how to respond. I knew (obviously) we had let our contract slide... but as usual was feeling I was to blame and felt awkward trying to figure out how to "fix" it. You pegged my feelings of reluctance and inadequacy perfectly.

And the things you shared from Kat were helpful reminders.
(I copied a few choice words of wisdom from Kat’s At Her Feet web forum in another email not reprinted here.)

I especially liked where she said you don't have to be something you're not and something you don't want to be. I'm just so slow to figure out where that middle ground is. I think that's what tends to "irritate" me the most (if that is the right word) -- that I sometimes feel you're expecting me to be something I'm not... though I realize I in turn am expecting you to stop being something you are. If that makes sense.

Thank you so much for the example of the silly dishes. I had no idea you took that exchange the way you did, so if you hadn't shared it I would never have realized.

You're very generous to mention my "growth as a leader" because it is infinitesimal and at a snail's pace, but thanks for the kind words.

I love you more than you can imagine.
Your benevolent dictator
(Maybe that's how I should try to see myself.) =)

…And so it begins again, Weigh in with your comments and encouragement. I covet the “feedback” ;-)

Apathy is contagious

2010-08-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a poor submissive hubby. I get absorbed in the other aspects of my life to the point of totally neglecting my duty to serve my wife. She would argue that she hasn't made an effort on her part but, that isn't even relevant to whether or not I have served her as I ought. I know I have gotten out of this just what I’ve put in to it. It’s no secret that FLM has always been my idea and not so much hers. I have failed to inspire her as I should. Re-reading the K.I.S.S. contract reminds me just how minimal her requirements are and yet how far I’ve missed the mark in meeting them.

So in answer to Appy’s question… Not so well. But that's my fault not hers. If she has sensed that I don’t care why on earth should she.

Contract

2010-05-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

K.I.S.S. Contract

In light of our discussion Friday night, 5/21/10, and in a continuing effort to find a happy medium for our diverse personalities and needs, what follows is a simple weekly plan to be implemented immediately.

Sexual Rules:
1. You are not allowed to touch your genitals for sexual pleasure without express permission.
2. You are not allowed to ejaculate without express persmission, even during our sessions of sexual activity.
3. You may ask permission to ejaculate, but my answer is final.
4. During the week I may or may not ask you to facilitate an orgasm for me.
5. Friday nights after our children are asleep shall be set aside for our mutual sexual enjoyment. There may be events which make this impossible from time to time, but they should be very rare.
Household Rules:
1. You are responsible for the following activites. They are simple to accomplish and I do not expect to have to remind you about these five items - ever.
a. At least once per day empty and load the dishwasher, thoroughly wiping down counters, stove and sinks.
b. Generally keep the house picked up during the week and take out the trash on trash days.
c. Do "your" white load and dark load as needed.
d. Keep the toilet and sinks in our bathroom clean.
e. Keep the lawn mowed and edged (more often than "usual").
2. I will tell you when I want other household chores done by writing them on the white board in the kitchen. When I tell you to do something on a particular day, I expect it to be done that day. If you are not going to have it done before I get home, email me at work before 4:45 p.m. to let me know and tell me why.

Weekly Report:

On Fridays you will write Sharon an email expresing your thoughts about the week. You should feel free to express in these reports any disappointments or concerns you have about how things are going with regard to this contract. Your report should be sent by 3:00 p.m.

We will start here and re-evaluate after six weeks. I do not think the household requirements are remotely too much to ask. If you follow through on these rules my life will be less stressful... I will be more relaxed... I will be able to focus more often and more fully on our times of sexual enjoyment together. Friday nights do not have to be the only nights, but we will commit to this at a minimum.

Your loving mistress

2010-05-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

To my few loyal followers I apologize for my long absence. Job changes had me preoccupied and very busy. Those stresses have subsided and I'm committed to making this blog a priority again.

Thanks Mark Redmond (and his Worship Your Wife Blog) for republishing excerpts from Vivian's Domain blog. My wife has seen fit to read and reread portions of them. I'm amazed how intuitive Vivian is as regards men’s psyche. Like Mark I'd love to know what's become of her. Her input would add volumes to our discussion.

Sharron and I are moving forward toward a formalized WLM LFA D/D Whatever you choose to call it. We've been round this tree before but this time things are different. (I bet I've said that before too!) The key difference is the formal aspect of it. Sharon is pulling together the details and writing up the agreement. (I wait anxiously) I'll publish some detail later as things evolve.

I covet your participation and comments.

2010-02-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

My favorite legend/mythos is Arthurian.
Knights and damsels, dragons and sorcerers, enchantment, honor, chivalry, epoch battles, and quests, what's not to love.
As boys we imagine ourselves the heroic knight. What kid hasn’t had a sword fight with a cardboard gift wrapping tube?
When we hit puberty we add the desire to win the affections of the beautiful maiden and go to extraordinary lengths to do so.
For too many men the "conquest" of a woman is the end of chivalry.
The more gentlemanly among us realize that women are the grail quest not the prize for a tournament.
We will face down the ferocious dragon or the enemy horde and yet the virtuous maiden from her lofty perch has the power to disarm us utterly.
The grail quest is a journey of discovery.
We see only glimpses of it when our hearts and motives are pure.
It remains tantalizingly close but just out of reach.
I live for the quest.
It gives life meaning and keeps the passion fire burning white hot.

Here's to the keepers of the grail.

2010-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

What a roller coaster ride this has been. I have seen my share of ups and downs but I keep getting back in line to take the ride again. While we may never have formalized our relationship as WLM we are slowly hearing the click, click, click as we assend the hill. I must accept the possibility of doing it "Her Way" for us may mean never really formalizing an arrangement.

My challenge is to continually find ways to meet her needs and desires which does inspire her to feel more and more impedistalled, which is the goal after all. Some have suggested I don't know what my wife wants. O'contrare. I know but I far too often don't deliver it. I take full responsibility, but why when a man suggests he enjoys being motivated by the sexual component of WLM does he get branded as "topping from the bottom"? Guilty as charged I guess. I genuinely enjoy serving and pleasuring her much more than seeking my own pleasure. I thought that was the definition of being submissive. Why is it that to some the idea that there is something “in it for us” makes our experience somehow not valid or less than honest?

As it happens I'm having a lovely weekend working around the house on overdue projects as well as cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. and she isn't even here to appreciate it, but I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I want her to come home to a clean house and something yummy… (OH SHIT!!! the Damn Dog Just Stole the Banana Bread off the counter!!!!!!) I guess I'll have to start over on the something yummy!

2010-01-08T14:27:00.000-08:00

The Job stress that has zapped my initiative for virtually everything but the job is abating. So, consequently the mind begins to wander... back to the former things... The dark recesses that haunt my fantasies… I seem to remember a time when housework gave me (dare I say it?) an erection. Could it be? Can it be again? As I write this blog, of course the ideal female led relationship is at the forefront of my imaginations and yet I know the road back to that illusive destination is long curvy and fraught with hazards.

The journey some would say is the destination. While I can be persuaded of that premise, I would argue that it only applies if you are both in the car and traveling in the same direction. To carry the analogy further I would be content to take the journey wherever it leads if only she would take the drivers seat. Until she slides behind the wheel we aren’t going anywhere or I’m doing the driving… and, that’s not a female led relationship.

As much as I agree with the rational of Mark Redmond that “wife worship” is its own reward, I am a human male and as such need some validation that she desires an FLR.
In my case I don’t think she does. We dudes are wired to think logically…”What woman wouldn’t want a clean house and obedient Hubby that desires nothing more that to perform oral sex on her morning, noon and night?” Women are the nurturers in the relationship after all. They are more prone to think… “If it will make him happy I’ll play along at being the dominate spouse.” …until such a time that one or both of us realize it’s a charade.

So here is the 60M dollar question: Is it worth another attempt? And, do I have any right to expect her to take the reigns in order to call it successful? If not, is it still worth the effort?

Readers of my blog to this point should be reminded that this in no way will ever compromise our marriage. We love each other with an eternal love. This is really my fantasy, not hers. I have serious doubts that it can ever be fully realized but if she’ll drive I’ll go warm the car up right now!!!

(Danica Patrick AND a Shelby Cobra!?! Thats too much for any ONE man's fantasy!)

Taken to the woodshed

2009-11-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

Don't ever blog when your feeling depressed sick and or tired. (I'm breaking all three rules right now.) For the record the indictment was solely on me. My comment about her not assuming empedistalled status was a realization on my part that she loves me so much that she has repeatedly bucked her own sweet nature to allow herself to be worshipped because its what I want. I have had no inclination to be the worshipful husband at all lately, therefore she hasn't had any reason to reciprocate. I could have written this directly to her in response to her email where she deftly spelled out my short comings (all deserved I might add), but since I started this with my rash comments in the public domain I owed it to her to set the record straight here as well. We have an amazing marriage and she is the woman of my dreams and fantasies. I pity couples who for whatever reason aren't as happy and as rock solid permanent as we are. I couldn't imagine being single again. (sorry honey but when we're old and gray you'll have to let me die first or at least at the same time.) I will endeavor to be a better husband and from the bottom of my heart I hope you will not see this in any way as dissatisfaction from me toward you. I have failed here, not you. You need only be yourself. If I ever manage to inspire you to feel empowered then so much the better.

2009-11-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I haven't completely dropped off the face of the earth.

New Job commitments are a lot to get adjusted to. I am continuing to lose weight, albeit at a slower pace.

This has been a time for me to acknowledge that if I don't place her on a pedestal she isn't going to climb up there on her own.

I am a bit of a failure as a wife worshipping husband. I'm not giving up or throwing in the towel just facing the fact that I'll need to ginn it up if I want it to survive.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-10-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry its been a while since I have posted a new blog entry. We have been real busy. My Job has changed and I barely have time to get dinner on the table before Sharon gets home much less sit and blog. We are doing fine albeit not spending much time together. Missed weigh in for the past two weeks so no idea how that's going either. We'll eventually figure out how to find some us time in spite of the extra responsibilities.

Right the Ship

2009-10-06T06:16:00.000-07:00

Ebbs/Flows... Highs/Lows... On again/Off again...

I hate that this is status quo in so many of our wife-led relationships but judging from many other bloggers and posters to forums it is the cold hard truth for many if not most of us.

Once again the responsibility is on my shoulders to get my head straight. Every time I make a comment like that my wife reverts to her naturally nurturing self and responds along the lines of "she hasn't been at the top of her game either" and basically excuses my poor behavior.

My problem is my head is filled with unfulfilled expectations of how it "could be." I read the successes of others and think... If only she would ___...
My ideal version of a wife-led relationship may never be fulfilled in my marriage and so I continually set myself up for disappointment. Disappointments lead to a defeatist attitude which leads to poor performance which ... yada... yada... yada... Same old story.

On the other hand...

As destructive as fantasizing about how perfect it "could be" can be, it is also the one thing that gets me back on the horse to give it another try.

Here is where a smart and submissive husband would shut up and stop typing until his head clears, but I need the catharsis of this blog to get this off my chest. What are the minimum requirements for a wife-led relationship (the term itself must hide some meaning). The question is not rhetorical. I want some input,especially from those wives out there who have made a success of their wife-led marriage.

On a completely unrelated subject...
Did I ever mention I was in the Navy. Here are a few randomly selected truisms about the Navy. (Anything analogous to wife-led marriage is purely coincidental and should not be construed as topping from the bottom or suggesting how one might better lead in a wife-led relationship. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Patients experiencing erections lasting more than four hours should consult with a doctor. Bla... Bla... Bla.)

A ship cannot have two captains.

A captain sets the course for the ship. The officers and crew seldom have the whole picture of the mission. They must rely on the captain to lead them.

The captain rarely mans the wheel. He instructs others to carry out his orders. The orders are carried out because there is a chain of command. The crew recognizes the stated and explicit authority of the office. No one need wonder who is in charge. The "scrambled eggs" on the brim of his hat declare "I am in charge."

The crew trusts the captain to make the tough decisions. The goal isn't the safety and well being of the crew. They are on a mission. Even if the orders seem arbitrary or unwise a crew that trusts its captain will follow him to the death because they can trust in the soundness of his judgment.

The captain establishes routines. From morning "sweepers sweepers man your brooms" to "Steel beach picnic Sundays" the captain uses routine to train his crew and to occupy their idle time. An idle crew will begin to grumble and eventually mutiny. Not everything is routine however. Simulated battle drills at arbitrary times keep the crew sharp and in fighting trim.

A good captain is an enlightened despot. He has the responsibility on his shoulders for the execution of his mission as well as the safe and orderly operation of the command. He earns the trust respect and loyalty of his command with consistent order and firm discipline. He expects his orders will be followed without question the first time and to the standard that he has set. Consistency and strict adherence to a code of conduct is key to an orderly command structure. An orderly command brims with esprit de corp. A Laissez-faire approach to leadership does not engender the respect of the crew and the crew loses respect for themselves.

R.H.I.P. (rank has its privileges) The captain doesn't eat the gruel of the crew. He has his very own chef. The captain has a state room with his own head (bathroom for you non-nautical types), stewards to keep his uniforms clean and pressed and the best seat on the bridge with the best view from which to command the ship.

It may be lonely at the top, but captains should rely on the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before them. Captains must seek advice from their peer group not from those they lead.

There is great solace in knowing you serve a wise captain. Conversely there is great strife if the command structure breaks down.

I'll close with a quote:

In the imortal words of Col. Jessup There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by.

No Excuses

2009-09-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Only dropped a pound this week. I guess I need to re-focus my effort. I realize I'm responsible to keep it up but I sure wish Sharon would help with my resolve.

Full Sack

2009-09-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was afraid I wouldn't make weigh-in this week but was pleasantly surprised to find I'd lost 3.2 lbs. For perspective imagine carrying around a sack full of pennies. 3.2 pounds is about $5.80 worth of pennies. That's 11 1/2 rolls of pennies. Sure hope I can continue this progress.

Props to Mark Redmond

2009-09-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

http://worshippingyourwife.blogspot.com/

I'm sure you all read his blog, but in case you don't you should. Follow the link. Great three part post on the "P" word.

What a difference a day makes

2009-09-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

Turns out That light at the end of the tunnel wasn't an oncoming train after all. I composed an email in my funk that a day later I'm glad I hadn't sent.

Remember that even if you're on the right track, you'll eventually get run over if you just sit there.

My head is in a better place today. I apologise for sharing the funk I found myself in.

Thought vs. Action.

2009-09-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

The diet has tapered off a bit... We skipped weigh-in last week and this week I still hadn't quite lost two pounds. Sharon has said she will extend me some grace.

The following is a partial post I started weeks ago but never finished. I'm publising it now as its advice I need to give myself. I'm in an ebb time and can't seem t dig myself out.

...I'm skeptical of all the self improvement gurus who tout that we must visualize what we want in order to achieve it. That's a load of bull. That's not to say that we shouldn't set goals or have an optimistic outlook. But, if you want something your going to have to stop visualizing it and go earn it.

Here is another golden nugget from subservient-husband that we could live by: I can not think my way into good actions, but I can act my way into good thinking. Doing something submissive often ends up correcting my thinking instead of stewing in a bad place mentally.

When I start to think my way into a funk Its time to act... Not Stew!!! And remember It could always be worse.

Quick Note

2009-08-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to report that with the scale issues resolved I managed a loss of 4.6lbs.

Sexual Carrots

2009-08-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

The old Stick or Carrot argument... Are you more motivated by the promise of reward or the threat of discipline. In the early days of our attempts at a D/s type relationship (as opposed to our current WLM) Sharon was always quick to point out that discipline was not effective because I wanted her to punish me. My retort was she needed to make sure the punishment wasn't enjoyable for me... (If you knew Sharon you'd know she is incapable of causing me any real pain.) It was a quandary that seemed to have no answer.

The solution is much simpler now that I understand my place in the relationship. Because my objective is to woo her with my good service I don't need the stick as discipline. I know how to behave. The discipline for poor performance is the removal of her affections. My service is a privilege she allows me to offer her. If my attitude turns sour she doesn't need to say a thing or take any action but the result will be the same... no affection. So once again the solution lies within myself... maintain good behaviour and attitude.

My weight loss has been an eye opener for me. Forgive me honey but I'm sure you would acknowledge that you have not done anything special to motivate me in my weight loss, and yet the weight has continued to melt away. The "motivation" has been internal. I thought you might tease me about how "I had better... If I wanted to..." etc. While I would certainly like to get those types of threats and teasing I understand that not receiving them is no excuse to slack off of my commitment to weight loss. The responsibility is mine.

Mark Redmond said when he felt a hunger pain he choose to see it as suffering for her. I've tried to adopt the same perspective. I may not be getting all the sexual carrots I wish I would but I am receiving the physical benefits of a healthier body and the imagined pleasure of suffering for her.

If I'm really good maybe she'll take up the stick and reward me with a good spanking. :)

Privacy

2009-08-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm glad to have ya'll following and commenting. I'm especially pleased to have a couple of the fairer sex out there starting a dialogue with Sharon. As much as I enjoy peeking in on your conversations you may want to exchange email addresses for the "girls eyes only" private discussions. Perhaps ya'll can be even more candid if you know were not watching.

Speaking of privacy... Are any of you comfortable with friends and or family finding out about your WLM? We would be horrified if anyone found out. My jaw just about hit the floor when a friend recently quoted a line from my blog. It was a sufficiently generic phrase that I'm sure it was coincidence but it freaked me out for a split second non the less.

I mostly had to write a blog on privacy just so I could use this cartoon that really cracked me up.

Weekly weigh-in

2009-08-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

The numbers are irrelevant again this week as we bought a new scale to avoid the problem of last week.

According to the old scale I lost another 10.5 pounds... Not likely.

We got a benchmark with the new scale for next week's weigh-in.

Inspiration not motivation

2009-08-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

As well as my wife knows me, she can't be expected to always know when I'm feeling short changed in terms of our WLM experience. Additionally she doesn't want feel like she has to keep the fires lit under me all the time. Its not fair to her to be responsible for my motivation level and I can assure you the quickest way to throw cold water onto our WLM is to put that expectation on her.

I used to try and rationalize the virtues of WLM to my wife in terms of being her beck-n-call boy. If only she would motivate me like some sort of professional dominatrix. What has always been a turn off to her is the notion that she take responsibility for my motivation. It reinforces the negative qualities of my personality and places the burden of success squarely on her shoulders. Great deal for me lousy deal for her. Its essentially all domination and no submission.

After the last time we had hard feelings (we don't fight... We have "hard feelings") It struck me that her power doesn't come from her ability to motivate me but her ability to inspire me. If we're not on the same page emotionally, when she says "jump" I might not be so willing to say "how high" with enthusiasm.

I'm so head over heels in love with my wife that I'd be willing to do anything for her. I'm also such a lazy oaf at times that I wonder why she puts up with me.

We all crave the highs of a great "scene" where we're begging to do anything for them. I wish I could live in that moment far more than I do but, what we need is to find that place within ourselves that drives us to our good works. If I will just see her as my impedestaled goddess whether she is, or is not in a dominant mindset becomes irrelevant. "She deserves my very best" heck, its the name of my blog. So as much as she apologises for not taking the lead or somehow failing in our relationship the fault is without exception mine. If she isn't feeling impedestaled its because I haven't placed her there.

Wooops!

2009-08-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

I did but I didn't make my weigh in goal.

The ten pound loss total last week was due to a misread on the new scale. This week I was down 4.5 pounds from the initial weigh-in which makes more sense. Divide that over two weeks and I just made it at 2.25lbs per week but with her rule that the goal is reset every week my false reading last week has caused me to fail this week. Hopefully my two pound goal will still be achievable for next week. I may need a better scale to avoid this sort of mix up again.

I guess that's the way it goes five orgasms this week was more than we could find the time for so now I'll have to abstain this week. I do hope she'll allow me to service her in spite of my predicament.

Straighten Up and Fly Right

2009-08-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

All the credit for the inspiration of this blog goes to subservient-husband from a response to At-all-times who is once again finding his glass half empty.

One prominent theory for why we get motion sickness is that our eyes and our ears aren't synchronizing the information they are receiving. The Eustacia tubes in our ears help us balance by sensing the pull of gravity. Inside the cabin an airplane at night the world looks stationary but our ears are trying to balance us against the motion. When we rely on what we feel more than what we know we can spin out of control. JFK Jr's instruments told him he was spiraling toward the ocean but strapped into the seat of his small plane he "felt" like he was flying straight and level.

What the heck has this got to do with WLM? Subservient-Husband calls it "trust your instruments". When it seems like your WLM is off the rails fall back on your instruments. If you are staying a true course you can trust that you'll come out the other side.

In my WLM I have a commitment from my wife that she will take the lead, but as with any real marriage the wife led dynamic isn't always at the forefront. Sometimes it seems like it doesn't exist at all. At those times I could get discouraged and slack off which would quickly become a self fulfilling prophecy.

On the other hand I can fall back on the things I know will foster a better WLM dynamic. I know that if I put extra effort into worshipping her like she deserves she will feel more impedestaled and empowered, also a self fulfilling prophecy.

A good start

2009-08-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

I had my first weigh in and lo and behold I'm down 10 pounds. I figured the first week would be the easiest but I never expected to lose 10 pounds in the first week alone. The real commitment starts this week to see continued results.

A pound of flesh (or two)

2009-08-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Call me Antonio... Shylock has loaned me my sex and demands two pounds of flesh.
I have stepped onto the scale and committed to a healthier future. First weigh in with consequences will be this Saturday. Wish me luck.

playful protestations

2009-07-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

I must confess to confusing my wife with my playful protestations. Its usually just intended to give her something to "play off of" for the sake of playful banter. All too often she backs off or accedes to my wishes or may even take offense. Of course I don't really want her to yield to my pleading. It's more like I'm giving her a chance to reassert herself, to strengthen her resolve. For example the other morning she found I was half awake but fully erect. As it had been a week and a half without any physical affection she offered to give me a climax. I am torn at those times because physiologically I have a real need but, psychologically my submissive self really wishes she would turn my powerful desire into motivation for her. As I neared the point of no return she said "you can cum". Belligerently I blurted out "NO". So she stopped. This left her wondering what I really wanted and as a result I neither was able to climax nor did she tease me further to motivate me.

Orgasm rationing is fundamental to a wife led relationship. I never want to be asked my preference in that situation. I wish to be informed or even ordered. To which I can respond with nothing other than "yes Ma'am". It robs her of her power to let me freely choose to cum or not. She doesn't want to have to be the sole initiator for sex and truth be told I initiate sex almost exclusively. So I find myself in the unenviable position of asking her to have sex and oh by the way please deny my orgasm. It doesn't work very well.

We men are pretty much always ready for sex. We're like a rigged slot machine. Grab the handle, give it a tug and your guaranteed a win every time. My wife could operant condition me to do anything she wanted if she would just avail herself of that power.

Last night and this morning I may have seen a glimpse of her taking a more assertive tone with me. It was late and she needed to sleep, but I was feeling "lucky". She told me several times that she was going to sleep and I was basically "out of luck". I finally fell asleep hard and frustrated. In the morning when her alarm went off I made another move on her but the start of the day beckoned and I was out of luck again. She saw my per-dick-ament and said "I'll tell you what" (the prelude to allowing me a quickie) but, just as the words were leaving her lips she snatched them back and said "no, I won't be pressured into anything". Those were some of the sweetest words she's ever spoken.

Pulchritude

2009-07-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

An 15th century word that just sounds insulting. According to Merriam Webster it means physical comeliness. Of course, it’s in the eye of the beholder. My wife is voluptuous and Greek goddess like. She fails to see herself the way I see her. I'm enthralled with her. I too have the body of a god, albeit Buda. It’s fair to say that I come up short (and fat) in the pulchritude department.

For a host of reasons I should get in better shape. Not the least of which is to become more appealing to “She Who Deserves My Very Best”. Is my “very best” to be overweight? No of course it is not.

This is an area of my life that is tailor made to the ministrations of a strong willed wife. Anyone know where I can find one? (Just kidding dear.) The point is that as hard as it is for me to get my weight under control it’s equally hard for my wife to assert her dominance. Vicious cycle as they relate to each other. Since she is a follower of this blog this is mostly for her consumption. We read recently a quote referenced in Mark Redmond’s epoch book Worshipping Your Wife of a man put on a regimen of weight loss that was directly tied to his sexual release. He was required to shed two pounds per week. If he failed to meet his target he was denied orgasm until he did. I saw her eyebrows go up when she read that. It caught her attention.

I know she would say in no uncertain terms that she loves me regardless of my weight. I can accept that but, because she loves me I hope she will find the will within herself to demand more of me (actually less of me). I realize I’m breaking at least two major rules of a wife led marriage by asking and that I should man up and just do it without having to be told. The truth is I’m not a strong willed person which is one reason I’m attracted to this dynamic in the first place.

So here goes: Mistress Sharron will you please take an oath to withhold my sexual release subject to my achieving weight loss goals you deem appropriate? The blogosphere is our witness. Spell out the specific terms you require for all the world to read. We won't survive vague generalities. Take the time to carefully consider your response. What scale will we use? What day and time will you test me? What will be the specific consequences if I fail to make my target? Can I meet my target early? etc. Think of all the angles and then write them in stone.

Fellow bloggers and readers I humbly ask for your input now and in the future to keep us both on the path to health and sexual satisfaction. I will begin a running tally of pounds lost at the beginning of subsequent blogs. I need accountability in my life to be a better man.

It is asking a lot from my dear wife to comment openly and in detail and to follow through on a commitment that requires her active participation on at least a weekly basis. Perhaps this will be the spark that lights the fire under our wife led marriage. I hope it will. I am asking with trepidation because I know this won't be easy for either of us (I truly hate dieting) but I believe in us and with your help I can do this for my health, for your pleasure, and for our future with our children and grandchildren. (Shamelessly playing on her sympathies I know.)

Here's to physical comeliness through cum-less-ness

Life gets in the way

2009-07-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

It happens to us all. We want a 24/7 experience but settle for more like a 7 in 24 experience. That's life. I won't presume to speak for all of us but I doubt their is such a thing as 24/7 within a "real marriage". Now before you all get your "forced to wear" panties in a bunch let me explain.

I have a great marriage. Is it wife led?... Sometimes. Could that be a bigger part of my marriage?... Yes, definitely. My wife works. In fact she is the primary breadwinner of the family. She juggles many balls at a time (metaphorically speaking of course). If I'm to be the supportive and submissive husband that she needs then I need to put aside my desires for her "special attention" so she isn't harried with one more thing to "do". Its common sense.

So the question is how do we handle those times when she has ebbed but we're longing for high tide? That's for you to figure out within your own marriage. I'm writing to try and answer that question for myself.

Do we resort to "topping from the bottom"? Its tempting, but usually counter productive and basically unsatisfying.

Do we try the "frank talk" approach? We could but its like topping from the bottom. It usually comes across as needy and makes her feel inadequate. My experience has been that its a motivation killer. You've just placed more expectations on her when she is already feeling swamped.

I think the answer must be.... Drum roll please... "Kill 'em with kindness"

You know what I mean. Work extra hard to alleviate the stressors in their lives and do it with no expectation of reward. You must be sincere in this or they'll see right through it and think your trying to guilt them into playing the dominant role. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I don't want it to be a role she dons for my pleasure. I want her to grow into a dominant woman/wife. I have to daily help nurture that growth by serving her in such a way that she will over time come to expect exceptional service. If I can do that well enough and long enough I think (hope) that anything less will not be tolerated by her.

But what about the times when we husbands ebb? I guess that's the measure of just how bad we really want this for ourselves. I can say I want to be dominated 24/7 here in the safe anonymity of cyberspace but in my life it just isn't so. I love the sexual tension and passionate energy when she's on her game but that doesn't survive the mundane aspects of life. Our kids, family and neighbors don't know about us so we can't be "on all the time" even if we were so inclined. That's part of the reason for blogging. Its a way to keep me honest and deliver myself the occasional kick in the pants to keep me going. If I can focus on being my best for her in all contexts then I can keep the thread of wife worship even in the mundane.

Do I fail? HELL YES, I FAIL!!! We (I) just have to keep picking ourselves up again and try harder not to.

Catch up day

2009-06-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd better post something as I've been silent for too long.

My Wife and kids have been out of town for a while. I took the liberty of their absence to revert to slob bachelor. Was it the right thing to do? No it wasn't but, no real harm was done (except perhaps lots of gratuitous self pleasuring) and I think it helped give me a fresh perspective. I don't like my old bachelor self. I'm scurrying to get the house back in shape and feeling energised again. I can't wait to see them.

Can a leopard change its spots?

2009-06-10T06:43:00.000-07:00

Can he? Can she? I sure hope so.

I'm so quick to revert to my old ways. Have I really turned over a new leaf?

How about my wife? Has she really made peace with being in charge?

My lovely wife is apologising for not following through on promises made, but it seems out of kilter that she should apologise for anything. Right?

We idealize a vision of an "unapologetic always in control mistress to be served" but how many of us can actually claim that as a reality day in and day out? I appreciate that my wife sees room for improvement and wants to fulfill my ideal for her but, it only serves to point out my wish to be dominated the way I think it should be.

Some reading this will call it selfish and, I suppose I'd have to agree. I am almost exclusively the initiator of any "scene based play", which is not to say that she doesn't assume the mantle of dominant wife. She does and, quite well. Its just that it doesn't occur to her without some hinting or prodding from me. My goal as always is to court and woo her unselfishly. My hope (not expectation) is that she will begin to naturally find the dominant side of herself, not assume a role just to please me. Isn't it always more fulfilling when a gift comes from the heart... When it is unbid... Of ones own accord... Not expected... (Dare I say it) A surprise?

Perhaps I'm too impatient to allow nature to take the course I would like. I still believe in time she will come to crave the power I wish to invest her with.

So are my glasses rose colored?

A Warm Welcome

2009-06-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

I spilled the beans that I'm blogging and so I guess I had better let her in on it. Sweetheart if your reading this one first... Stop and start with the oldest first and work your way up to this one.

I hope you will read and comment. In the safe anonymous space of the bloggosphere we can share our journey and receive input from fellow travelers on this road.

One bit of advice we received was to begin to journal. I always want to be known more intimately by you and as you read in my introductory post it was my intention from the start to share this with you in hopes that you may gain new insight into me. Funny how when we take the time to craft our thoughts into written words we find it easier to be completely open and honest.

Its like our first courtship (only better since their won't be a paper trail for our great grandchildren to discover).

Well there you have it. I hope you approve.

I love you truly, madly, deeply, Rex

Take your time. Do it right.

2009-05-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

Why is it that for all my desire to give over to the wishes of a dominant wife that I still manage to bristle when being assigned a task? This Morning when my loving wife turned over a new task to me I saw it as "one more thing I have to do"? I see her becoming more confident and willing to direct me. That is definitely what I want so what's the deal? The deal is I'm very selfish with "my" time.

With her working full time and me at home most days she thinks I spend more time on her chores than I do. The truth is I'm into "speed cleaning". Ergo, more "me" time. "So long as she is satisfied with the job" whats it matter? I suppose you could say the "matter" is my attitude. By giving "her" list short shrift I'm treating "wife worship" as an add on to our relationship rather than honoring her with my best effort. Here again the theme that keeps my head in the right place (my version of "sub-space") has got to be "She Deserves My Very Best".

If she chose to be more critical of the tasks she allows me to do for her she would see that there is plenty of room for improvement. I'm committing here to my fellow bloggers and readers that hence forth I will redouble my efforts to "Take my time and do it right". Firstly because she deserves it and, secondly because I know it's the right thing to do and, It should help me keep my priorities straight.

Join me in my oath!

Getting back into the swing of things

2009-05-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

What a diffucult week its been with house guests that it seemed would never leave. Our friends have no idea about our new relationship dynamic and that's just the way my wife wants it to stay. It was remarkable how out of sorts I was while out of my routine.

She was quick to show her appreciation after they left. And then the next day... She really showed her appreciation with a bit of tease and denial followed by a list of things that I needed to catch up on.

I Love This Woman!!!!

I'll write more often now that I have the house back to myself.

New mindset

2009-05-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

I have chosen to respond to At All Times blog post Acknowledgement & Encouragement here on my post as well as in his comments section.

He Writes:

No matter how hard you try and submit yourself to your wife, do the housework, be attentive, pamper her, or simply let your wife take charge, unless you get acknowledgement, feel a sense that your wife wants or enjoys this, maybe some sexual teasing and if your very lucky some real denial, used specifically by your wife to punish or control you, then the whole wife led experience can feel pretty hollow, and sometimes even quite depressing.

We all have expierenced what you are discribing. I too wish my wife would demonstrate her authority through denial or other "femdom" activities but I constantly refer back to Mark Redmond's Worshipping Your Wife formula for success. The idea of romantic courtship for her sake is a more managable model and can be satisfying on its own merrits. The acknowledgment of authority that we crave becomes the goal rather than the byproduct of our submission. We can only be responsible for our actions and attitudes not hers. We haven't been an AHF or Elise Sutton story book example of success but I have had my eyes opened by Mark and his take on this.

I've tried (with limited success)to not think in terms of this as wifedom or D/s or even Wife led marriage but rather how can I win her anew every day. I've made enough ham fisted attempts at topping from the bottom that she is well aquainted with my kinks. In her time and in her own way she will reward me with an occasional gift of dominance. Its my challenge to give her excuses to reward me and not question the means she uses. Its a gift afterall.

Busy week

2009-05-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

We expecting out of town guests this weekend so my plate has been extra full preparing for them. I've done the things that she expects and a few she didn't. She has been quick to praise my efforts.

Why is it that we'd rather she find fault with our efforts rather than praise them? Same song different verse. We want the demonstration of authority. The reality is she is genuinly grateful for my work and she is expressing it. So the problem as always lies with me. I have to remind myself that I am pleasing her for her sake.

Word games

2009-05-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking of a way to help my wife and I communicate within the wife led dynamic. I catch myself asserting myself in a leadership role far too often, and for all my wife's efforts she has great difficulty expressing herself in an authoritative manner. Mind you this is not requisite to the success of our wife led marriage but would add a layer of acceptance for both of us.

I may propose a game of sorts.

What if for a day (or some other agreed upon time frame)she would eliminate the question mark from her vocabulary while I on the other hand would be limited to only questions?

Perhaps a tally of infractions to determine a winner. And since a wager always changes how a game is played some pre-arranged stakes for the person with the fewest infractions.

I can think of a thousand conversations that we have a day that would take on a new tone under these rules. Instead of asking "which way do I turn at the light?" she might have to rephrase "tell me which way I should turn at the light." My response if rephrased might be a bit harder to formulate, perhaps "would you care to turn right at the light?"

Is this a silly exercise or might I be on to something? I wouldn't even consider such an idea if my wife hadn't specifically mentioned her desire to learn to express herself more boldly.

We're on the path but far from having arrived. Is this a detour or a shortcut? Your comments are coveted.

Oh What a beautiful Morning

2009-05-05T05:46:00.001-07:00

I'm still basking in the glow of submissive feelings from a night and morning under her spell.

Last night as our regular TV shows are in their off season we headed to bed early. (We really should do that more often.) I suggested she read me a bedtime story, by which I meant lets read a chapter in Mark Alters book Worshipping Your Wife.

If your like me you wish your wife would spend more time with the ideas of female lead marriage. What better way to expose her to those ideas than to read them aloud together? ...not to mention, What a turn on!

She said "we're reading and that's all!" What could I say other than "Yes Ma'am." She was kind enough to allow my hands to wander all over her while she read.

I can't recommend this book highly enough or my new favorite way to read it. Enjoy!

1.4

2009-05-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll try to tie a bow around this marathon background post.

So most of the elements were in place but I hadn’t gotten my head right just yet.

My wife was willing to be served but not willing to be bossy. I tried to serve but I needed bossy. We languished in this nether world for months. I turned my wife on to the Addison’s website and even bought their book. It was beginning to make sense to her but her efforts were even less stellar than my own. She, to this day hasn’t formally wrested control of the marriage. She took the next bold step and wrote to Emily Addison and received some helpful advice. And again hasn’t really implemented any of it. So I was at a crossroads. I had needs and desires but they weren’t being met and I was ready to quit for the bazillionth time.

And then the most transformational of all eureka moments occurred reading Mark Redmond’s Worship Your Wife blog. I won’t attempt to restate all the sage wisdom found there. (By all means go and read it for yourself.) The missing piece of the puzzle for me is the concept that this whole dynamic is simply courtship all over again. Courtship was the headiest time for any couple. So do it again and forever!!!

Wow… How simple. In courtship we put our best foot forward, and do all the things you know will please her. It doesn't feel like a drudgery to put out all that effort, you do it and get thrill doing it. I love my wife and she does indeed deserve my very best. I want to win her everyday. And oh by the way, women want to be won. It’s a win/win. Remember how you couldn’t wait to tear each others clothes off? I feel that way frequently. I get a kick out of doing all of the things that help to ease her burden. The benefits are obvious and any self respecting (and wife respecting) husband would be a fool not to realize them in their own marriage.

There are many more pieces of the puzzle that are yet to fall into place and that will be the primary focus of my blog going forward. Please comment as we take this ride together down the path of wife worship. There will be plenty of bumps and turns, but that’s the stuff of reality. This is no longer fantasy for me its real.

1.3

2009-05-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

The next eureka moment for me was picking up a book literally at random in a bookstore called “Good Husband Great Marriage” by: Robert Mark Alter. In it he pulls no punches in detailing how relationship turmoil is basically all the man’s fault. We therefore have it within our ability to fix it. I won’t go into great detail but suffice it to say if you’re a man in a failing marriage and have the courage to look at yourself as a means to save your marriage you need to read this book.

My marriage has never been anything like broken. As a matter of fact my wife and I used to get chided by friends and family when we would tell them we had never had a fight. (Since those years we have had children and that stat no longer applies.) But, none the less we are very non confrontational types and have a generally happy marriage. The sex was another story.

I never heard any complaint from my wife and I think none existed from her perspective. I was as I’ve already explained feeling unfulfilled. Again I don’t want to pass any blame or guilt onto my wife but if there is one truism about women I think it is that they cannot fully appreciate the male sex drive or the lengths to which we will go to satisfy it.

It didn’t matter to me that my wife was stressed with the day to day duties and chores of a working mother, except as it applied to her being able to relax enough to have sex with me. And so I made many shallow promises to help out more to ease her burden in hopes it would do the trick. I would keep up my end of the bargain until I had my sexual release and then all bets were off and the cycle would repeat.

While I have moved on from those days and that pattern the truth is I haven’t become immune to that temptation. And I’m sad to say that I still occasionally succumb to it.

The next step brings me up to about six months ago.

I created this pseudonym Rex and began participating in on line discussions with others who were successfully leading D/s lifestyles or who were perpetual failures at it like me.
One poster to the now defunct Uniquely Rika forum was particularly harsh in his criticism of me for my failures. I came to believe that success in a D/s lifestyle depended on a truly committed D and s. By that I mean it had to be strongly desired by the woman who could “impose her will” on a man and a man who could “completely sell out” to the ideal of being always subservient.

After two decades of marriage to this same woman I didn’t need a secret decoder ring to learn that neither was ever going to happen in our relationship.

But the desire remained…

1.2

2009-05-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know why the urge to submit to a powerful woman was/is so strong in me or even when it first occurred to me, but I know it was at a very early age. Are some of us born to it or is it a result of upbringing?

My efforts with my lovely wife were sketchy at best. Only occasionally she would have a flash of brilliance and rock my world. It was those times that operant conditioned me to hope it could/would happen again. Mostly we had vanilla sex or failed attempts at domination play that often ended in frustration and tears and long talks. We both would try to compromise to the others wishes but never actually made any headway.

My first eureka moment was in discovering websites that moved it from a sexual fantasy and made me believe it could be a life long choice. Still I had a wrong understanding of what the was. I just know I wanted it.

Through long talks with my wife usually following another failed attempt at female domination, I came to realize what I was missing in my marriage and sex life. At the heart of it was the need to be desired. As Cheap Trick sang "I want you to want me... I need you to need me" I could still perform sexually but I wasn't fulfilled by sex. I could fantasize and masturbate and get a better "high" than when I got the "real" thing. (Obviously destructive to a marriage) I felt like sex was one sided. She required a long slow build up and great care to bring to orgasm and I was an after thought lasting only a few short strokes. To my wife’s mind as a man that was what I wanted wasn't it... to "get off"?

I never wanted to place guilt or blame on my wife but I did indeed feel like if she would just give me the kind of attention I gave her everything would be great. My male brain had it wrong yet again. We men judge a relationship by the sex, women judge it on everything but the sex. The attention she needed wasn't of a sexual nature at all. She was holding down a job a child and a household and I was complaining that I wasn't getting enough of her attention. See another destructive trend here?

More soon...

She Deserves My Very Best

2009-04-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

My name is Rex, Welcome to my first ever blog.

The object of my blog is to provide an outlet for my musings relative to wife lead marriage or as Mark Redmond puts it Wife Worship.

I don't expect to generate a large audience or attempt to instruct others in the finer points of implementing this in your marriage. I plan to use this as a way to vent my own feelings and air my grievances and basically just journal my experiences. Some day I'll let my wife in on this to gain new insight into me.

I'll begin with a brief history of my attempts to implement this dynamic (mostly failed) in our marriage over the past decade.

More than ten years ago after several years of marriage I felt bold enough for the first time to suggest spicing up our sex life with some playful BDSM. I had no idea where it would take us but I wanted it for the shear sexual stimulation of doing something new and taboo. As you may imagine I was less than successful. She was blindsided with the notion that she married some some sort of deviant. As a very conservative gal she was naive about even the most benign sexploration. As a man I was able to imagine even the most radical sexual exploits. She was scared and offended and I knew I had crossed a line that could be disastrous to our marriage.

I managed to suppress my urge for deviant sex. At least for a time. My imagination wasn't dormant for long and I eventually hatched a scheme to incrementally add in some elements of the things I craved. She was able to indulge me with the understanding that it was harmless sexual fun and not who I was. Or was it?

With the passing years two things happened. I craved more and she became more defensive. I believed the "problem" was her lack of exposure to the same things I was filling my head with more and more via the wonders of the world wide web. (We men can be as stereotypically dumb as women think we are.)
When I discovered the dynamic of male submission / Female Domination my imagination ran wild. Try as I might I couldn't turn my sweet and demure wall flower of a wife into the bitch goddess dominatrix I thought I wanted. Surprise surprise!!!!!!!

To be continued...